We Train The World How To Treat Us By How We Treat Ourselves

September 4, 2012

I have been noticing a major pattern in my life, my clients lives, and my friends experiences.  It all comes down to your relationship to yourself.  How you treat yourself is how the world responds.

Problems at work?  How are you treating yourself? Are you standing up for yourself and believing in your value? Or do you not believe you’re worth it and thus have semi-abandoned yourself to the demanding whims of your boss and workplace.

Romance problems? Do you always seem to get the same distant shut down?  You want them to fall wildly in love with you, but perhaps you’re not wildly in love with yourself.

If you don’t believe in your untempered goodness, believe me, no one else will either. They’ll pick up on your hesitation, your nerves, your uncertainty, and they’ll respond in kind. We train the world how to treat us by how we treat ourselves.

For me, a lot of this centers on my relationship to my body.  My mind and spirit and I generally have a solid relationship with, it’s the body that holds most of my stress, insecurity and uncertainly.

For the longest time, like, a lifetime lets say, I have lived in willful ignorance.  I have accepted what I thought was ‘normal’ (exhaustion) or ‘insurmountable’ (bad knees) because that’s what was explained to me by my Doctors and family.

Here’s the thing about me – while I hold a wild curiosity about people and places, I am not that curious when it comes to my own habitat.  I lived in my apartment for two years without realizing that the key that unlocked my front door also unlocked my back door.  I just never bothered to question why I didn’t seem to have a key to my backdoor.

So when at the tender age of 16 I was explained that ‘this is just how it is’ – I never bothered to challenge it. I didn’t set out to explore for myself what my body was capable of or question the answers I’d been given.

Enter Nichole Kellerman. Nichole is a fitness coach who I connected with online about a year ago.  She offers fun, simple workouts and a positive spin on weight loss.  She’s an energetic, no bullshit champion for our bodies true strength.  When she announced she needed guinea pigs for her Successful Weight-loss School, I jumped at the chance to get a preview of her newest offering.  I was hopeful that I could finally start interacting with myself in a way that wasn’t full of criticism.

13 years later, I am discovering for myself what’s possible. I am no longer blindly ignoring the fact that my body has some challenges. What I am realizing is that I have some agency and control here.  I am opening my eyes to what’s possible, and beginning to understand myself in a whole new way.

My work with her has been pivotal to understanding myself, my body, and my addictions (caffeine, sugar) in a whole new way.  I’m starting to untangle some very complicated knots that it’s taken my whole life to weave.

In the meantime,  I’ve noticed is a series of minor miracles.  My business is filling up.  My energy has skyrocketed.  I am nicer to myself.  I’m going on hot dates.  I’m making more money than I ever have before.  The thread that ties this all together? My relationship to myself.  I am taking better care of myself.  I am treating myself the way I want, need, deserve to be treated, and the world has responded in kind.

I am a proud affiliate for Successful Weight-loss School because it has already impacted my life in a dramatic way.  If you’re curious how it could impact yours, click over to see for yourself.  I’ll tell you one thing, Nichole makes a lot of promises.  A.lot.  And if you’re like me, you’ve heard them all before.  I was skeptical, but she delivers.   If any of my people decide to work with her, I’m throwing in 1 hour of coaching with moi for freesies, because I want to support you on your journey.  That’s how much this matters to me.

Today, after being told repeatedly not to run because of my ‘messed up’ knees, I am going to the store to buy special running shoes.  I am going to explore carefully and cautiously what’s possible for my body.  I miss running.  My body craves it.  I’m going to learn for myself what’s possible, and that too is a minor miracle.

Let’s all add a little bit of love into our daily routines, and watch what changes.

Ellen Ercolini is a life and career coach dedicated to helping you figure our your life passion and purpose, so you can have the profession (and profits!) you want.  Curious how she can impact your life? Schedule a free superhero session with her here.

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Put more you in your business

(regardless of your myers-brigg)

6 thoughts on “We Train The World How To Treat Us By How We Treat Ourselves

  1. Funny, the story about your key opening two doors reminds me a lot of how I’ve always been. Like, “Huh, why didn’t it ever cross my mind to be curious about THIS thing?”

    Another thing that’s funny about that story is it’s the perfect metaphor. The key to one door might be just what you need to open another. Awesome.

  2. Hi Ellen, As one of your SWLS sisters I truly enjoyed your comments of September 4th. It is so true for me. You learned this much earlier in life than me at 61. I have accepted the limits of fibromyalgia for the past few years rather than continuing to fight it like I did at 30 yrs. Thanks to Nichole Kellerman I am no longer limiting my life on the advice of others. Thanks, Ellen ( I am now a subscriber to your blog)

    • Thanks for your comment Linda! Nicholes impact has been HUGE for us I’m so glad you are also not limiting yourself anymore! Thanks for subscribing, I’m cheering you on. xo

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