It’s a simple, three step process to get everything you want.
1) Identify what it is you want.
What IS it you actually want? A lot of us like to complain with no desired solution or outcome. We know we’re sick of things and we want change, but we haven’t really left the complain-y phase. What’s the bigger picture here? If you could change your situation to something satisfying and different, what would it look like? What do you want?
2) Be specific. Let’s use a new job as an example. Identifying you want a new job is like you want to win the lottery. It’s super general and tons of people say the same thing. Great. You want a new job. What does that mean?
Let’s get specific.
Do you want a new job that pays you more?
More supportive boss?
Opportunities for travel?
Located close to your home?
It’s also extremely helpful and clarifying to identify the why behind your wants. Identifying the why connects you to your bigger picture, and makes it easy to not get bogged down in the smaller things. Want an amazing TED talk that really hits this home? Simon Sinek, Start With Why.
This is the most important step! You have to state your specific desires, out loud. If telling another person makes you uncomfortable and nervous, practice saying it out loud in front of a mirror. The out loud factor is crucial because it gives your body good practice expressing yourself so that when it is time to share what you want with someone else (a boss, or boyfriend perhaps) you’ve got some muscle memory behind you, supporting you.
By stating what you want out loud, clearly and specifically, it helps you claim it. To yourself, and in the world. You get more used to thinking of yourself as the ‘girl who wants…’. It normalizes it and creates a sense of expectation that you’ll receive it.
But you’ve got to ask. Clearly, and specifically, for the whole enchilada. If you don’t get that resounding ‘yes’ you were hoping for – you have two options. Keep asking. Anyone who will listen, ask for what you want.
Or, go back to step two, and get a little clearer on what you really want and why you want it.
Keep in mind, some things take time. Sometimes, you have to knock on a lot of doors and hear a lot of ‘nos’ before that golden YES comes along. If you’re clear on your why, and what it is you really want, those ‘nos’ are worth it because you know you’re on your own unique path.
So if you do hear nos, celebrate those! It means you asked. Good for you! Think of it this way, each ‘no’ is leading you closer and closer to that ‘YES’ that you’re after.
I can’t wait to hear about your attempts and successes! Share your story in the comments!
Ellen Ercolini is a Career and Life Coach dedicated to helping you figure our your life passion and purpose, so you can have the profession (and profits!) you want. Curious how she can impact your life? Schedule your free superhero session with her here.
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